Intuition and Mr. Slug

i think sometimes what makes intuition so hard to trust are the times we never really get to know if we made the “right” decision or not.  there’s no follow up, there’s no cosmic camera to flash you the scene of what would or wouldn’t have happened had you taken another path.  and we could really use that couldn’t we??  rarely are we lucky enough to receive a definitive confirmation of making “the right choice.”

no.  trust is trust (is trust is trust is trust is trust).  and the more we trust the easier it will become to trust.  this goes for the whole scale, from “life changing” to mundane.

i was coming home one night and when i pulled into the driveway saw that the recycling bins were still by the curb.  my first instinct was to go and get them, even though it was late and i could think of no earthly reason why they needed to come in then rather than in the morning, but i felt lazy leaving them and managed to let what should have been a split second decision get caught and turn into a conflict.  i grumpily ignored my intuition while i gathered my things and headed towards the house.  

POPSPLAT!!!  

i had stepped down on the concrete and done horrible things to a slug who was previously having what i expected was a pretty peaceful evening.

my mind said to me calmly, “it’s not always about you.” 

my goodness isn’t that a powerful thing to hear!  i certainly wasn’t being selfish that night, or setting out to do anyone (or any thing!) harm, but had i simply gone with my gut instinct without putting it in the Hot Seat of Reason and Rationality, i would have retrieved the recycling bins and taken the side path to the gate instead of the front path to the steps.  and mr. slug would have gone happily on with his peaceful evening.  

trust is trust (is trust is trust is trust is trust).  

Coffee Wisdom: Remain Flexible

i really do feel like i learn a lot from coffee.....from those quiet moments of absolute appreciation and affirmation of the joy it awakens, rather than just the perceived surrender to a bad habit.  if my coffee isn’t so good and strong and delicious that it makes me want to cry a little bit, i would rather do without it, and do.  not to say that i won’t go out of my way when i’m on the road to get a good cup of coffee....‘cause i will....but if it’s not available i have no desire to drink from a pot at the gas station.

this particular moment of wisdom came on a morning commute, like any other morning commute.  my ritual is to drink from my favorite cup in the world as much as possible, a yummy french press brew, and sometimes it makes it into the car with me if i haven’t finished it while getting myself ready.  and i like bringing my coffee in the car.  i feel like i’m drinking in the essence of the day around me with every sip, and when a good cd is in the player (or just good old silence) it can be really magical.  (every morning is, but it often goes unnoticed ;)

so, if one is to carry coffee in the car and not spill it all over themselves, you have to remain flexible.  you can’t hold that cup rigid and attempt to be stronger than the bumps in the highway.  you have to go with the flow, literally!  that is true strength.  the buildings that withstand earthquakes are the ones that can sway with the turbulence, not try to defy it.  

so be strong!  learn to bend and sway when it’s called for (you’ll know when it’s time to stand like a rock! ;) 

Driving Wisdom: Subtle Movements

i don’t know if anyone else had ideas and beliefs about driving before they were too young to understand what was really happening, but i definitely had a few that stand out.  when i was really young i thought that the road was a magic track of sorts and that the person driving was only really there to stop and start the car, not steer it, or anything else for that matter.  (obviously i was too young to know about all of the times that cars go off of the magic track!)

the one i found myself thinking about today came when i was getting to the age where i realized i myself would be driving soon and ought to be paying some sort of attention!  i would watch my mother’s hands, and the subtlety of their movements on the wheel, and waver back and forth wondering if such subtle movements could possibly be deliberate.  no.....i thought......she’s just twitching a little bit or something!

now that i’m a driver i know that indeed, for the most part, even the tiniest movement of hands on the wheel is due to a tremendously sensitive inner calibration, a sense of balance, of center, of the space you fill when you are inside of your vehicle, of boundaries.  i watch my own hands and am truly amazed at the sensitivity of that sense of self.  pretty incredible the power we have behind the wheel, and with such a system of machinery in place we are able to fine tune our pathway and make tremendous moves with the slightest effort.  

all we have to do is to know is where that center is, and, really, if you’re just beginning to drive (or remember that awkward bull-in-a-china-shop phase...) it’s a learn as you go process!  not something you can learn from a book.  get out there and practice! ;)  

(photo sale info in the Photography section of this page :)

Getting Back on Track (When You Can)

sometimes you can’t change what’s out there, though really i’m not sure where i stand on the matter, because if we are to declare ourselves all powerful and the manifest-ers of our destiny then shouldn’t we be able to change everything??  of course not, but where is the line?  this i can’t answer.

this was a really, truly, uncharacteristically busy week for me.  or wait.... busy two weeks?  hmmmm, can’t remember.  it’s been busy :)  i generally don’t like being busy (though i do like being honest ;), because i have a hard time committing to anything when there is a limited amount of time.  it’s the old Panic and Paralysis.  nothing feels like top priority, except for the obvious top priority, but tackling that will take up all the time and you probably won’t get done anyway and will have nothing to show for it.

i have realized, with a little help from my sweetie asking what it is that’s really “wrong” and what it is that really needs to be done so badly right this minute, that a lot of the pressure i feel is very much put on myself.  i have put systems and schedules in place for myself (such as updating my websites every sunday....it’s now wednesday afternoon ;) and i can’t let myself fall behind without the Big Bad Wolf getting all up in my face.  

the Things aren’t going to go away, but you very much have control over how you see and relate to them.  there are enough deadlines we’ve agreed to from the outside world, be willing to cut yourself a little slack on the ones you’ve put on yourself!  (not too much slack, mind you....just enough to maintain somewhat of a healthy equilibrium :)  

keep making lists; keep prioritizing.  get back on track when you can, and take what you’ve learned to help you stay on track next time.  (there will always be a next time, at least when it comes to deadlines! :) 

Do Something Easy

i know i have nothing new to say on this subject, but i don’t think it has to be new.  the most subtle reminders can come to you at just the right time and your world can change.  

most people have a lot of things to do.  we just do.  it’s been a long time since i was genuinely “bored” or had “nothing to do.”  perhaps that’s a part of Growing Up, switching from too much time on one’s hands to not enough!  a lot of the time it’s not enough for work or for play.

the muscle i have begun to focus on strengthening for myself is that when i’ve got an overwhelming list of things to do (written or not, but for me written already tends to ease my mind!) i start with something small.  and we often skip the small things because they’re not as important as the big ones and therefore shouldn’t take priority, but really.....if you’re stuck, you’re stuck.  do something easy!

a little bit of momentum can go a long way!  it’s getting something done when you feel like you’re getting nothing done.  it’s encouraging, and affirms that you are indeed a person who does what they need to do!  (i often have a hard time convincing myself of that, so i can use all the help i can get! ;)