Sunday, July 24, 2011

let that song(book) go

sept. 17, 2006  sunday

"i once described a song by saying i could live and die there.  tonight i describe a song, three songs, my songs, by saying that i did.  i folded and unfolded, discovered, released, inhaled and exhaled, loved and listened in a wee little room full of every good and tangible thing you could want, and two people who had me captive.  there's no way i could've not been there, no way i could've not felt what i felt.  a whole slough of words: safe, happy, excited, overwhelmed, enchanted, empowered, whole, awed.  curled up on the floor, smiling, wide-eyed, well fed, sleepy, fingering the cord linking my ears to my future with a gentleness truly meant for his face, and i wanted to fall asleep.....and just stay.  i wanted to weep, i wanted to laugh, i wanted to dance.  i'm in love with possibility, with electric guitar, with the atmosphere, with click tracks, with lamplight and eyelashes, black ink and black jeans, walk downs and 5th notes, warm air and water, bare feet and bared souls, closed eyes and wedding rings, fuck ups and thumb ups.  most of the time i didn't know which was which, it was all magic.  and there i was at the heart of it, my creative contents being mapped and navigated, string by string.  see what i can do.  see what i can be a part of.  see what happens when people come together."

                                                (~recording of This Mighty World)

i've decided to write a songbook.  which is a little bit funny to say, 'cause it's really already written.  even the unconventional parts of it already exist.  i just have to sort through my collected history of roughly 35 journals to find it.  maybe it defeats the purpose sometimes but i've (almost....) always kept my journals in such a way that i would enjoy looking back at them for years to come, and hopefully continue learning from them each time i did.  a few of them i could really do without......(i mean do i really need to look back on every daniel johns dream i ever had?  which i have NOT done!) but after so many years it's tough to let go.

i don't really know what my songbook will really look like yet, but i don't need to.  the stories will find me just as i will find the stories.  perhaps a few such as this.