why is it that we’re so defined by what we’ve had to struggle against? i certainly know this about myself, whether it’s a point of pride or not, and i surely know it about other people. we need struggles to prove that we’ve worked hard. it didn’t kill us and we came out ok on the other side. we need them to know that we haven’t had it easy, because we believe that if we didn’t work really hard for something that we don’t deserve it.
but....isn’t there something to be said for things coming easily? isn’t that the way we want them to come? do we want our lives to be a constant struggle or do we all wish things would just run a bit smoother?
these are just questions that i’m thinking about today, what i want my life to be like, what struggles define me. i don’t sleep well; that’s definitely a big one. i eat too much; that’s another one, for sure. not having enough money; who doesn’t have that one? i’ve lost several close friends and family members over the years, i’m shy, i’ve pursued more than my share of unrequited loves; the list goes on.
but i let all those things define me and i don’t really give them a chance to change. i’m so protective of “ME” that it’s hard to let things go or accept that a part of me can be different. it wouldn’t take much for me to eat less: slow down, tweak some brain activity, and listen to my body. BUT the belief is so strong that this is part of “WHO I AM” that it’s impossible to break the cycle (but do the impossible! i remember! :)
i don’t know who i’d be if i actually slept well at night and fell asleep at even a remotely reasonable hour, but i sure as hell wouldn’t be “ME”!!! and how scary is that?? i marvel at how strong these forces can be, and i’m writing it all out just to see how ridiculous it really is.
there are enough struggles in the world; there are enough struggles in your world! we can be defined by the things that flow easily for us, too. there’s no need to hold on to any old obstacles, as if there weren’t enough new ones being created!