Day 5

Well, it’s Day 5.  I lost count of how many times people were surprised when my sweetie would tell them he was heading out on a seven week long adventure--without me.  They were not necessarily surprised that he would do it, but surprised that I would “let him.”  Not only would I let him--not that it’s at all my place to allow, or not allow, him to do things anyway--but I pushed for it.  Sure I miss him like hell already, but who’s to say that we can’t enjoy that?  Who’s to say that the missing isn’t beautiful?  I let him take this trip, because my most important job as a loving partner and friend is to notice what makes his heart light up, and encourage whatever that might be.  

And yes, I chose to stay home.  I chose the 100 degree heat, the 8 foot tall weeds, the fire ants and the empty house, because along with that I also chose chickens, a Nana cat, and a big blank canvas with very few distractions on which to focus a driven and tremendous desire to get “caught up,” and to create.  

Creation isn’t just about making art; it’s about learning to see art in the everyday things that you do.  When I wrestle the 8 Foot Jungle in the backyard, I’m creating; when I do dishes and fold laundry and put together Goodwill boxes, I’m creating; when I organize my studio, I’m creating--even if it’s just space; space is good.  And of course there’s photography, preparation for the record I’ll be making in December, and about 300 other creative ideas that were gleaned from a giant hand-me-down stack of Country Living and Martha Stewart magazines.  My boy is allowed to be a tiny bit terrified by that (but he’ll also be happy that I used “gleaned” in a sentence for the very first time :)

I just feel like I’m constantly daydreaming about having it all....all the TIME, that is.  All that precious time that nobody quite feels they have enough of.  And right now?  I have a bunch, and by jove I’m not wasting a drop of it.  (Ok, maybe a few drops.)  In fact, I’ve taken the daily To-Do List to a whole new level by creating a system in which every task is assigned a point value.  Even the daily things like watering the garden and cleaning the kitty litter get points, so that even if all I do in a day is take good care of the living parts of our household, well, that’s worth something.  (So far today has nothing on yesterday’s whopper: I clocked in--or out--at 1:15am with 51 :)

I know it’s easy when we’re in long term loving relationships to begin forgetting, or even fearing, who we are without the other person, but I think it’s important to remember, and to embrace it.  The better for us to grow; the better for us to be able to truly support one another, without being afraid of growing apart.  There’s always risk in growth, but I believe wholeheartedly that to really be alive we must take it.  

So here’s to friendship, love, life and adventure; may we know when it’s best to “allow” them.  I must go now to feed the Nana cat and give ice and treats to little chickens.  And yes, I get points for that.